He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
