dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
