I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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