Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
