Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
