i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
