I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
