Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
