the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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