just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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