If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
