Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
