I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
