you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
