I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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