shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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