I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
