420 ftw
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize