just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
