Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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