this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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