I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
