I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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