Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
