If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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