guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
