New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
