Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
