My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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