How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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