??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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