In the future we'll all be gay
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
