Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
