I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize