Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need water and some morals
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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