You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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