I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
