:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
