i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
