allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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