I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize