dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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