I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
