It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize