We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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