I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
