you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize