we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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