two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
