do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
