32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
