is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
