I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
