So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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