turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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