unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
