i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need a beard to bite.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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