i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
