Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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