At least make sure they are 18
Why
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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