She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
