we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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