i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize