When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
