I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
