You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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