How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
