butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
