I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
