when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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