u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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