ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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