I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
