Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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