69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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