I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
